LAST NIGHT WAS THE CAFE NIGHT!! HAHAHAHA IT WAS THE CAFE NIGHT. REMEMBER THE BRAZILIAN? WHO FED THE TRAMP THE BRAZILIAN WAS A DUDE! I AM GLORIOUS BECAUSE THIS MUSIC IS GLORIOUS HAHA THIS MUSIC IS THE BEST AT PLAYING EVERYTHING. 6AM WAS BEAUTIFUL, REMEMBER THE SHY SHALLOW RAIN SITTING ON THE PAVEMENT, ALL THE EVERY PEOPLE GOING EVERY WHICH WAY, LOOKING AT EACH OTHER, GIVING EACH OTHER EYES, HOLDING OUT THEIR EYES IN TWO HANDS AND GIVING THEM TO THE WORLD. I DON’T WANNA DANCE WITH YOU I DON’T WANNA DANCE WITH YOU. OF ALL THE AWFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD (AND MAYBE THERE ARE FEW???!??) MAYBE MCDONALDS BREAKFASTS ARE ONE OF THEM? I HAD A VEGETABLE SAMOSA IN THE CAFE, AND IT TICKED ALL THE BOXES, APPLE SALAD AND JG BALLARD, ALL HOLY IN THE MORNING. THERE ARE FEW AWFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD. ALL THOSE EUROPEAN GIRLS WITH THAT AWFUL CASHMERE SCARF MAN BUYING THEM SANDWICHES (THE BEST SANDWICHES. STOP HERE AND THINK: THE BEST SANDWICHES) THEY STILL LOVED, THEY GAVE THEIR UNEATEN SANDWICHES TO THE TRAMP! AND THEY SMILED. THEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN FROM THE BROTHEL. DO THEY STILL BELONG IN OUR WORLD OR ARE THEY FROM A BETTER WORLD? A THEY’RE FROM THE PAST!!!!! WHAT’S EATING GILBERT GRAPE? HAHAAAA. THIS SONG GOES ON FOR EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVEF AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER ANEVER ANE EVER AND EVER AND EVER ANEVERA ANE EVER AND EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVEREVER EVERE VER AND EVER AND EVER AND I JUST TYPED THAT ALL OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU WERE STRONGER YOU WERE STRONGER
WE’RE GOING ICE SKATING AND I STOLE SOME RED WINE
HAHAAAA
I DON’T WANT TO DANCE WITH YOU I DON’T WANT TO DANCE WITH YOU
I’M GOING TO DANCE WITH YOU FOR EVER.

THIS IS A RUNNING NARRATIVE BUT FROM WHAT

this is night. this is daytime without light, wide eyed and not shy, not reading either just trying all the different positions in bed as laughter comes from downstairs. my eyes are kept open, in rigor mortis, by the caffeine substitute that might be life. every now and again cars pass by. this is every type of jealousy, jealousy of other men and other lives and jealousy of my younger self (my younger life) and the small collection of memories of which it is comprised. beata beatrix. we were a band once, now we’re not. cars roll by, ever deeper, tumbling down a hill to the city centre like loose boulders, towards the river, the natural process of life. it’s all a cycle. we were a band once. beata beatrix. what happens in the end? she dies. my limbs are betrayed by life. this is night.

THIS IS A RUNNING NARRATIVE

SLAUGHTER SLAUGHTER SLAUGHTER I’M GONNA MAKE IT HUGE I KNOW ALL THE DJS. IT WAS THE DAY OF THE RIOT, WE MET AT BOND STREET STATION I WAS WEARING MY RIOTING JACKET (BLACK LEATHER, BERLIN WALL). MAC WAS LATE, WE WENT TO THE PUBS WITH OUR FLANN O’BRIEN AND OUR PARIS REVIEWS ORDERED A PINT OF BITTER AND A WHISKY SODA AND SAT IN THE CORNER POPPY HAD BEEN MODELING I HAD AN EIGTH OF WEED AND A NEW HAIRCUT BUT I SOLD THE EIGTH TO WILL ANYWAY COS I KNEW HE’D SHARE IT WITH ME FUCK IT WE COULD ALMOST HEAR THE PROTEST FROM OUR SHAMMY LITTLE HOLE BUT WE WERE NEVER GONNA GO OUR PARENTS ARE THE ONES WHO PAY FOR OUR EDUCATION AND THEY WEREN’T AT THE PROTEST, AND SAUL DIDN’T WANT TO. YOU GOTTA TRY THE BITTER, ITS DELICIOUS THESE BURGUNDY LEATHER SEATS ARE DELICIOUS, WEDNESDAY AFTERNOONS ARE DELICIOUS AND BEING SOLICITED BY A REAL TART IS THE MOST DELICIOUS OF ALL., AARGH FUCK IT I GOT THE HEEBEEJEEBEES ONE MORE PINT AND LOADS MORE CIGARETTES (IT WAS SO DAMN COLD..) AND I JUST WANTED TO BE ON MY WAY, MAYBE DOWN SOUTH BANK OR THE HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT OR ON BLOODY ROOVES SOMEWHERE, BUT ONE JOINT FIRST. FUCK IT I’M NOT GOING TO REGENTS PARK THATS BLOODY MILES AWAY LETS JUST SMOKE ON THE STREET IT’S FINE SERIOUSLY I’VE DONE IT BEFORE, C’MON SAUL, WE’LL JUST WALK ABOUT NO ONE CARES WE GOT BRAINS MAN WE’RE NOT STUPID SHIT ME I GOT ITCHY FEET, I JUST WANTED TO GET OUT OF THERE, I WAS RUNNING OUT OF PATIENCE I WAS RUNNING OUT OF BARS AND OH GOD NOW THEY WANT COFFEE THEY WANT TO OUTWIT THE MARIJUANA AND DRINK COFFEE I AIN’T GOT DOLLARS FOR COFFEE GUYS I’M GONNA SPLIT. I SPLIT. I WALK. I WENT TO PICCADILLY I WALKED THERE. FROM HERE THE STORY CONTINUES.
ART FILM HOUR AND A HALF
TUBE BACK HALF HOUR (QUICK STOP AT LORD SAINSBURYS FOR POTATO MASHER)
MEET THEM IN THE PUB AGAIN AT THE END OF MY ROAD 10 MINUTES
GET HIGH TWO HOURS (INCLUDING 45 MINUTES TO MAKE PIE AND MASH AND BEANS)
EXTOL THE MERITS OF HUMMUS AND KANYE WEST INDETERMINATE AMOUNT OF TIME
AT SOME POINT IN THE WHOLE AFFAIR I WENT TO BED (FIFA 11?) READ ABOUT THE REAL NEWS IN THE PAPER
AT SOME POINT THE STORY CONTINUES

dinner. bed. facebook. nothing.

I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE DIDN’T INVITE ME TO LUNCH WE USED TO BE FRIENDS DIDN’T WE NO SURELY WE STILL ARE I SUPPOSE IT WAS JUST A COMMON CAUSE OR LIKE SHE WAS REAL GOOD FRIENDS WITH MY FRIENDS AND WE JUST KIND OF FORMED TWO DIFFERENT SPHERES OF THE SAME ATOM
OH WELL IT’S OVER NOW ISN’T IT?
THE ATOM HAS SPLIT / EVOLVED CALL IT WHAT YOU WILL.
THESE THINGS AREN’T TO BE DWELT UPON APPARENTLY THERE’S A WICKED HOUSE PARTY IN SOUTH LONDON, ALL THE KIDS WILL BE THERE THEY’RE GETTING LOADS OF BOOZE AND DRUGS THIS AFTERNOON TO BE READY AND MATT’S BRINGING HIS REAL BIG SPEAKERS, SO IT WILL BE A PROPER SOUND SYSTEM AND ALL OLD SCHOOL STYLE YEAH PROPER LADBROKE GROVE. ANYWAY YOU’RE ALL INVITED OR AT LEAST THEY WON’T MIND IF YOU TURN UP THEY PROBABLY WON’T EVEN NOTICE THEY’LL BE SO FUCKED BUT I MET THEM AT A PARTY THIS ONE TIME SO YOU CAN JUST COME WITH ME THEY’RE COOL FELLAS ONE OF THEM WRITES A BLOG. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO WEAR YET? THEY ALWAYS SAID TO DRESS EXTRAVAGANTLY IN WAR TIME IS MORE THAN BAD FORM IT IS UNPATRIOTIC I THINK I’M GOING TO WEAR A PLAIN GREY T-SHIRT AND SLACKS YEAH SOME NICE SHOES AS WELL THAT’LL BE THE LOOK. THEY SURE CAN BE TRENDY DOWN IN SOUTH LONDON BUT WE’LL LOOK LIKE WE WENT TO SALFORD GRAMMAR SCHOOL YOU CAN’T BEAT THAT YOU CAN’T BEAT AUTHENTICITY. SOMETIMES I TRY TO DRESS LIKE A YOUNG BOB DYLAN AND ALL HIS HASH SMOKING COLLEGE EDUCATED FOLKNIK FRIENDS BUT OTHER TIMES ALL I WANT TO LOOK LIKE IS LEONARD COHEN IN THE 1960S A REAL POET AND EVERYTHING. IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER WHAT YOU WEAR THOUGH AS LONG AS YOU’RE COMFORTABLE IN IT IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. IT’LL BE FUN THOUGH REAL GOOD FUN THOUGH. HOPEFULLY WE’LL BE ABLE TO CRASH DOWN THERE SOMEWHERE BUT WE COULD JUST GET A BUS BACK IN THE MORNING (IT MIGHT GO ON QUITE LATE) YEAH THE MORNING SUN’S BRIGHT ON TIRED EYES BUT THE FUNNIEST IS ALL THE SUITS ON THE BUS TRAVELING INTO WORK I CAN’T IMAGINE WHAT THEY THINK OF US BUT USUALLY I CAN’T THINK AT ALL BY THAT STAGE JUST GOTTA RIDE IT OUT TILL YOU CAN GET INTO BED, THEN THAT’S A NICE FEELING FOR SURE.
BUT WHO KNOWS MAYBE YOU MIGHT FIND SOMEONE WHO REALLY LOVES YOU????

DULL GREY DAY DON’T FORGET ME I LOVE YOU, I AM YOU, I SHOULDN’T KNOW YOU, SURELY
THIS IS A PAEN. THIS IS THE DULL GREY DAY 2010 I AM ALIVE. FIRST THING I DO IN THE MORNING IS I EAT MY CEREAL, I TAKE MY MILK FROM THE FRIDGE I GET MY SPOON AND MY BOWL AND I EAT MY CEREAL. NEXT THING I DO IS I WAIT. WAIT YOU SAY WHAT DO YOU WAIT FOR. I WAIT FOR HENRY. HENRY ALWAYS HAS HIS WICKED WAY I WAIT FOR HENRY. SOMETIMES I READ THE NEWSPAPER WHILST I WAIT, AS MANY PEOPLE DO. BUT MORE OFTEN OR NOT I GO ON THE INTERNET. EVERYTHING IS ON THE INTERNET, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET WHY SHOULD I LEAVE I CAN ORDER A PIZZA OH MAAN COULDN’T I HAVE FUN. BUT I MUSTN’T GET TOO AHEAD OF MYSELF. NOT YET ANYWAY.
DULL GREY DAY YOU MOCK ME SO.
SOMETIMES I READ BOOKS LIKE THEY ALWAYS USED TO DO, BIG SHINY BOOKS OR SMALL PORTABLE BOOKS, GREAT SANDWICHES OF KNOWLEDGE I DON’T THINK I SHOULD EAT SO MUCH IF I WANT TO BE TRULY BOHEMIAN. MANY OF MY FRIENDS ARE THIN AND I DON’T KNOW WHY I EVEN THINK ABOUT IT I GUESS EVERYBODY DOES. ONE TIME AT HOME I HAD SPECIAL K WHEN NOBODY WAS LOOKING NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS BEING THIN. I LIKE PIZZA.

ONE OF THE LAST THINGS I DO AT THE END OF THE DAY IS BRUSH MY TEETH. AND I SUPPOSE IT’S ONLY RIGHT. I ALSO MOUTHWASH.

I THINK I’M CREATING A NARRATIVE, NEW FACES, NEW NAMES, NEW SOUNDS AND EVERYTHING. THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING PART. THIS IS THE BEGINNING, APPARENTLY.

NOVELTY BIKE RIDE THROUGH THE SLUMS OF SPITALFIELDS THIS IS TO BE THE LAST TRACK THIS IS TO BE THE LAST SONG THIS IS TO BE THE LAST DAY LET’S MAKE IT A GOOD ONE
HEROES SURELY THE BEST POP TRACK EVER AND WE WILL DANCE WE WILL BUT FOR NOW I’M RIDING ALONE THROUGH THE SLUMS OF SPITALFIELDS I SHALL GROW A BEARD, DEFIANT YOU SAY, TROUSER TUCKED INTO SOCKS AND WAVING HANDS AT SHOPS BUY RUBICON JUICE THIS IS THE LAST DAY LET’S MAKE IT THE BEST WHERE SHOULD I BEGIN
FIRST IS GOODBYE
WHEREVER I AM I SHALL ALWAYS HAVE TO LEAVE. DARLING IT’S BEEN TOO LONG WE WILL BE DANCING IN THE STARS WE WILL BE LOVING THE STARS BUT I’M SORRY I CAN’T STAY YOU’RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME, ANYWAY
I’M ILL
(AND I CAN’T BE HERE FOREVER)
REMEMBER WHEN I WAS. REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE LITERALLY DANCING IN ELYSIUM. REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE BEST FRIENDS IN MUSIC IN LIFE IN EVERYTHING, BUT AS YOU SAY I CAN’T STAY. REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE DIFFERENT, WE LAUGHED AT OTHER PEOPLE IN THE MOST HEALTHY WAY REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE FREE. REMEMBER WHEN IT WAS EASY. WELL THAT IS CHILDHOOD I SUPPOSE, AND MAYBE I WAS JUST LUCKY TO STAY THERE SO LONG.
IT’S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE.
LIFE IS CONTINUAL READJUSTMENT, AND AS I READJUST I LOWER MY STANDARDS I CAN’T HELP IT I DO. NOW ALL I REMEMBER IS THE CUT ON HER CHIN AS WE DID COITAL AND I’M NOT PROUD TO WRITE ABOUT IT BUT THAT’S LIFE CONTINUAL READJUSTMENT. YES I WILL MOCK MYSELF AND OTHERS WILL MOCK ME BUT THAT’S LIFE. CONTINUAL READJUSTMENT.
LAST WILL NOT BE GOODBYE.
I THINK IT SHOULD BE. GOODBYE TO ALL MY FRIENDS, GOODBYE, IF NOT TO YOUR FACES THEN TO YOUR OUTSTRETCHED HANDS AS YOU REALISE I’VE LET YOU DOWN, LIKE YOU DID TO ME AND LIKE YOU WE ALWAYS WILL.
BUT LIFE IS HAPPY
LIFE IS HEALTHY
LIFE IS FUN.